I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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