i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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