theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize