I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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