I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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