went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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