you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
