...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
