you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
