So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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