I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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