Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize