Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
