He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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