If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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