After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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