is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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