I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
