remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
