Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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