Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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