it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
