Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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