can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
whose parrot is this?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize