He had one of those small greek statue penises
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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