So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
