I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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