I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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