If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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