I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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