Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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