i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
