You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
