last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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