I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
