This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize