I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
and you fell through a lawn chair
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
