Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
