Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize