I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
