with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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