Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
