So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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