Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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