I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
