you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
