I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize