A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
