I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
