You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize