your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
