I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
