Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
