he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize