My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His nipple licking is glorious
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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