i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
