I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
