bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
