fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
