yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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