I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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