With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
