just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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