Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
