So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
