every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
