Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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